Can you drink a Cappuccino after dinner and still sleep like a depressed teenager? Do you mix Red Bull with your morning OJ? When Starbucks launches their IV Coffee Drip line, will you be sleeping on the sidewalk like some iPhone crazed MacAddict?

Lets face it. Caffeine is the world's most psychoactive substance--read: drug. There is a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks for a damn fine reason. It's estimated that almost 95% of adults in the U.S. consume caffeine on a daily basis.

A recent Consumer Reports test sampled the caffeine content of coffee in a variety of chains. Oh gosh golly gee, guess who won? That would be Starbucks. The caffeine dose on their drip coffee ranged from 300mg right up to a ridiculous 564.4mg per 16oz cup! Since dosages of 300mg or more are know to cause Caffeinism (I only wish I made that term up; more on Caffeinism and Caffeine Addiction in my next article). It's a small wonder that your local Starbucks is not the murder capital of every suburban metropolis.

The primary method of caffeine delivery is obviously the beverage. The Starbucks Head Dude (CEO James L Donald) took home a hot $5.9 million bucks last year. The two co-founders of Red Bull are worth an estimated $2.5 billion dollars EACH. While in the last 12 months alone, Hanson Naturals--makers and marketers of Monster Energy Drink--sold a cool $741 million of sparkling-green-sugar-caffeine-water-with-an-herbal-aftertaste. With these insane numbers, it was only a matter of time before budding entrepreneurs started expanding the ways you can get your caffeine on. They don't disappoint.

Sure, you've probably seen Jolt Energy Gum / Energy Mintz on your pre-party 7-11 run. Maybe you've even been tempted by other countertop impulse buys, like the caffeinated cousin of the Listerine Fresh Breath Strips--Diablo Energy Strips.

Or if you're more of the Walgreens wondering type, you might have noticed caffeine sneaking into your cosmetics. Good news Ladies! Now you can increase your productivity while simultaneously decreasing your cellulite. At least that's what the folks at Revitol want you to think.

Good news Metrosexuals! The ladies don't get to have all the body-by-caffeine fun. Moxie for Men Double-Shot Caffeinated Eye Cream is "Loaded with Caffeine that stimulates circulation to reduce puffiness and "baggage". Get it like a "double-shot" of espresso? "Who are the Ad Wizards who came up with this one?"

Good news Geeks! You're a marketing demographic too! You're ahead of the trend curve so you know all about ThinkGeek's Shower Shock caffeinated soap line. Don't you? What about SpazzStick? A caffeined Lip Balm available in Vanilla Toffee flavor. Lather up those sunless lips before you order the days 12^th latte and save yourself some hard earned AdSense pennies by skipping out on those pricey flavor shots.

Still there are those rare mornings when you're not thirsty or dirty. When your breath smells fine and your eyes are free of baggage. When your ass is cellulite free and your lips glossed. Thank goodness for... caffeinated oatmeal!

What about when you've already had your three bowls of Morning Spark Energy Oatmeal and you're feeling like an angry mythical bird that bursts into flames and is resurrected from those same ashes? No worries mate, NRG Potato Chips come in one delicious flavor: Phoenix Fury. Now with Taurine and B-Vitamins!

And finally... if you've recently been busted for steroids and are sitting in the dugout looking for a new way to get juiced, maybe these caffeinated sunflower seeds will help. They're SumSeeds alright.

Wait, wait, wait. I thought I was finished. This will quite literally, BLOW your mind. Thank you Marketing Genius. Now I can legally snort something other than Pixie Sticks.