I know what you're saying: Boo hoo for Hollywood! So what if aging celebrity Ed McMahon has defaulted on his 6.5 million dollar Beverly Hills mansion? 

For those well under 40, here's a refresher: Ed McMahon, 85, intrepid cog in American TV history, was for scads of years the butt-of-all-yucks yet relentlessly upbeat sidekick for Tonight Show host Johnny Carson, and the host of Star Search, that evil mother of American Idol, and, say you won a million bucks from Publisher's Clearing House, he was the guy who rang your bell and handed you the really big cardboard check and a fistful of balloons. This was all back in the day when the American dream was still riding its white pony and those kinds of silly but hopeful things kept you buying magazines, needed or not, on the wing and prayer that Ed might show up at your door.

He's kept himself in the game since then hawking things like bathtubs and those motorized carts that old people zip around in, sometimes wrecklessly, I know since I got clipped by one at Ralph's in the frozen foods aisle. Slow down old people!

Anyhoo, the point is that former rich people, if they work in entertainment, must necessarily live in cavernous houses down the block from Brittany Spears, even if beyond their means.

And they, too, need help.

'Cause look: Ed McMahon is really old! 85-years old! And he broke his neck a while back! Like a year and a half ago! And can't work! And he can't pay his mortgage! And his house once had mold running though it! And it killed his dog Muffin! He made a big settlement, though! Millions, in fact! But who knows where that money went! We aren't here to judge! But, um, where did all that money go? And, just a suggestion here, but, Ed, why not live in a smaller house, like a condo maybe, in Brentwood, and tighten the old belt-eroo? Just asking! 

We'll ask Brad Pitt to be the first donor in the SAVE-ED campaign. Mr. Pitt just spent 239K on this table at Basel. Sell the thing and toss the dough to Ed! It's a hazard anyway! The kids could get stuck in there! 

In the meantime, before Brad steps up to the plate, mail your grungy dimes, well-wishes, blankets, canned goods, and tupperwares of left-overs direct to Mr. Ed McMahon, c/o SAVE-ED, 12000 Crest Court, Beverly Hills, CA 90210. 

ROBYN EWING for LA2DAY.COM

rae@la2day.com