Late night comedians barely made mention of it Tuesday night, pundits steered clear, Barack Obama said it was off limits, but, ladies and gentlemen, Bristol Palin is - and we've been calling young women in her position (one of many, I'm sure) this for many years - a slut. Brand the whore with a scarlet letter!

We forget the past so easily in the present: we forget that Chelsea Clinton was ugly and the Bush twins drunken fools; when have we ever feigned ignorance to slander against the children of those who rule us? John Adams' son, Charles, was a deranged alcoholic and died accordingly; though Zachary Taylor threatened death to those who attempted to destroy the Union, this didn't stop his daughter from marrying the President of the Confederate States, Jefferson Davis; Theodore Roosevelt's son Kermit was a depressed drug addict who, like Charles Adams, died of alcoholism.

Do the antics of children undermine the capabilities of their families? Absolutely not: Adams was a Founding Father and Roosevelt considered one of the greatest of presidents. However, neither Adams nor Roosevelt were wandering these United States proselytizing temperance, whilst Sarah Palin, however, preaches abstinence with religious vigour.

In reality, there is no shame in teenage pregnancy, teenagers are permitted - nay, should be encouraged! - to enjoy a romp in the hay, and should do so under the protection of the many contraceptive devices available under the heavens. It's when we allow ignorance to reign supreme that trouble brews in our wombs.

Bristol Palin's bastard further underlines the ineptitude of its forty-four year old grandmother, the gun-toting, caribou-shooting, Creationism-believing, Miss Congeniality of Alaska. If you can't rule a household of five - and by rule, I mean, effectively and wisely guide the ways of your children to avoid the hazards and follies of youth that will forever affect their pathways of happiness - you can't run a country of 300 million. (This argument works for men as well, so hold back your sexism rhetoric you stuffy wenches!)

I won't hide my complete disdain for Mrs. Palin, I find her a tragic example of the Puritanical lunacy of this country, a vile cretin grown from the muck and sludge of the evolution of the fourth quarter of the 20th century, an ignorant and dangerous individual under the guise of a Reformist. Wrapped in a shroud of Schadenfreude, I take great joy in the misery of her family. And as the liberal left, we must learn from the right-wing media. The right-wing media, who for years have used sex as a weapon to bring down Democratic candidates, good and decent men. And for years we, the Left, have turned the other cheek only to let them slap us twice! Let us not engage in the ignorance of our past mistakes. Let us dirty our knees and maybe our souls, if for the only reason but to restore Democracy to the country, for the only rule in politics any more is gloves off. And the only way to win is to play by this rule. So this year, let's call a spade a spade. Let's call Bristol Palin a slut.

Story by Jeremy Tarr.