Stop the madness!!! Stop the insanity!!! For the love of all things stop f%#@ing VIBRATING!!! Side note - ladies and gentleman this is not about a sex toy of any kind - or is it? Ok, ok breath in breath out, breath in breath out. DRRRRRR! DRRRRRR!! DRRRRRR!!!

Ok where was I? Why? Why am I so attached to you, why can't I just leave you somewhere? You are nothing but a naughty nuisance, a despicable distraction. Perhaps I will leave you in the powder room wastebasket of a five star restaurant the next time I'm dining out? Donate you to some good cause maybe? Turn you off, and slip you under my bed? No it's too tempting, too enticing that way, I might get an urge to hold you close in the still of the night. Yes it's official; I've gone completely mad. DRRRRRR! DRRRRRR!! DRRRRRR!!! DAMN IT!!! Stop interrupting me!

So what do I do? Turn you off even though you turn me on? Oh the madness, oh the HUMANITY! You know I can't, I can't do it, you are a part of me, without you I am nothing. How will I know that I am wanted, that I am needed and loved without your good vibrations? You are my comrade, my confidant, we go to the ladies room together, you are always safely tucked away inside my purse tickling me with perfectly timed intervals. You are my livelihood. I dine while you are snug in my pocket hoping to get a nudge form you from time to time.

Centuries ago all I would be able to have is impossible fantasies of your existence and yet here you are in the flesh ready to be at my beck and call. You deliver with such speed and such verve that you enamor me. You are amazing, yes you, you are a lifesaver, and you are utterly and undeniably, impossible to let go of.

I can't relax without you by my side, you sit on the bathroom sink while I shower and you know better than anyone that I steal quick glances at you from time to time form behind the wet curtain, sometimes I'm even tempted to take you inside. You sleep by my side but you are never asleep, always plugged in and ready to go like an erect soldier ready for battle. And I your general, I lay there uneasy checking on you to be sure that you are not overloaded with urgency. I've gone mad I say, sometimes I hear you when you are not uttering a sound, sometimes I feel you rumble when you are sitting still. I can't quit you my drumming bauble, I just can't be away from you. Low battery is the kiss of death so I make sure you are always charged and ready to go. I cannot part with you, you are my lifeline and seems that I am forever tethered to you. Now if you will pardon me, my phone is vibrating and I desperately need to take this call. DRRRRRR! DRRRRRR!! DRRRRRR!!! "Hello?"

By: Lucky Clover