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A Brief History of the Last Eight Years
BY Jeremy Tarr FOR LA2DAY.COM Sep 26, 2008
As the United States will be collapsing any day now, our scheduled review of the Bush Years (originally planned for year's end) has been pushed up by a few months to accommodate the imminent disaster.
PREAMBLE
Oh my god George W. Bush won!
Oh my god Al Gore won!
Oh my god no one won!
Oh my god we have no president!
Oh my god they stole Florida!
Oh my god George W. Bush won!
YEAR ONE
Oh my god a plane crashed into the World Trade Center!
Oh my god another plane crashed into the World Trade Center!
Oh my god there is no World Trade Center!
Oh my god there's anthrax in our mail!
Oh my god we're invading Afghanistan!
Oh my god there's still anthrax in our mail!
YEAR TWO
Oh my god Enron collapsed!
Oh my god there's an axis of evil!
Oh my god WorldCom collapsed!
Oh my god Iraq has nukes!
Oh my god there are snipers on the freeways!
Oh my god Iraq still has nukes!
YEAR THREE
Oh my god we're invading Iraq!
Oh my god Mission Accomplished!
Oh my god we all have SARS!
Oh my god we caught Saddam!
Oh my god we're still in Iraq!
Oh my god Mission Accomplished?
YEAR FOUR
Oh my god gays are getting married in San Francisco!
Oh my god John Kerry is the Democratic candidate!
Oh my god gays are getting married in Massachusetts!
Oh my god Bush beat Kerry!
Oh my god Kerry lost to Bush!
Oh my god four more years!
YEAR FIVE
Oh my god Terry Schiavo's dead!
Oh my god North Korea has nukes!
Oh my god William Rehnquist is dead!
Oh my god John Roberts is in the Supreme Court!
Oh my god New Orleans is gone!
Oh my god Sam Alito is in the Supreme Court!
YEAR SIX
Oh my god Iran wants nukes!
Oh my god there's Global Warming!
Oh my god North Korea is testing nukes!
Oh my god Saddam's on trial!
Oh my god Saddam's been executed!
Oh my god Mission Accomplished?
YEAR SEVEN
Oh my god there are illegal immigrants!
Oh my god there's a surge!
Oh my god there are still illegal immigrants!
Oh my god California is on fire!
Oh my god Bhutto is dead!
Oh my god we're still in Iraq!
YEAR EIGHT
Oh my god gas is four dollars!
Oh my god there's a mortgage crisis!
Oh my god gas is four-fifty!
Oh my god Barack Obama is inexperienced!
Oh my god John McCain is old!
Oh my god Sarah Palin is crazy!
Oh my god there's still a mortgage crisis!
Oh my god we're still in Iraq!
Oh my god Fannie Mae is collapsing!
Oh my god Freddie Mac is collapsing!
Oh my god Merrill Lynch is collapsing!
Oh my god Washington Mutual is collapsing!
Oh my god Lehman Brothers collapsed!
Oh my god we're bailing out AIG!
Oh my god we're bailing out everyone!
Oh my god we're entering a Depression!
Oh my god this will cost us 700 billion!
Oh my god we're still in Iraq!
Oh my god Mission Accomplished!
Story by Jeremy Tarr.
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