To the relief of all whose holiday list I'm on, I finally wanted something for Christmas... something you could buy... legally: One of those turntables that converts vinyl records to MP3s. With this one stone, I could whack the two birds of album clutter and playlist fatigue.

At around $129, the Ion TTUSB fit the bill nicely. For those of us whose last turntable (or record-changer) was purchased during the Carter administration, it's fairly bare-bones, with no mechanism to lower and return the tonearm. (A more upscale version includes this feature and more. See the Ion website.) With the capability to play 45s and an input jack to hook up your cassette deck, the TTUSB lets you digitize your Bobby Sherman faves and the January '77 Scranton Dead Show (yes, both nights).

Plug and play? Sort of. The included software disk comes with EZ Audio Converter for PC and Audacity for Mac or PC. EZ Audio Converter is what you want to use for, well, easy audio converting. The Audacity software gives you effects that let you tweak your audio, but ultimately you end up with files you can't convert to MP3 without fourth-party software. Long story short, Mac users: the EZ Audio software you need is on Ion's website.

Then, it was plug and play. Of course, the turntable and computer need to be close so laptops are ideal. The software prompts you to start the turntable and hit Record somewhat simultaneously and then - boom - you're off. If you want to babysit the thing, you can mark each new song, but I was fine marking each side as a track. After you're done with the album, it lets you identify your music by artist, album name and song. Then click and it all loads to your iTunes library. Your LPs are now MP3s. Yes, kewl!

With my tune-stocked iPod, my New Years resolution of going to the gym is nearly a monthold and counting. Just as exciting as having my musical archive accessible has been the process: communing with these once so familiar disks like old friends - their analog information scratched archaically into vinyl. I slip them out of their sleeves, give them a swipe with the fuzzy "discwasher" and lay them down on the spindle. While they record, I hold the album with its iconic artwork and lyrics large enough to read.

And it strikes me that listening to music isn't an activity any more... not unless you're doing other things at the same time - like reading and exercising or working and talking on the phone. No, in the bleak, austere days of my youth we'd listen to albums while we read the albums (so I guess that's two things) or maybe we were young and didn't have all that much to do... or maybe it was just me and more enterprising people were out doing stuff. Ah, but I digress. But digressing and regressing is what this months-long process is all about. For better or worse, I've undertaken a forced marched down memory lane at 33⅓ rpm. (Of course it's existential. Everything is. Keep walking, junior, if you can't commit to a good wallow.)

I wonder if it's bizarre or inappropriate that this decades-old music still resonates. Is it insane that Bowie, Eno, King Crimson, EARLY Genesis (don't get me started) still perform on the soundtrack to my life? I'm older than they were when they recorded this stuff.

And another thing: Listening to a 30-year-old Sex Pistols album in 2008 is as laughable as my parents' listening to their 30-year-old Andrews Sisters albums in 1978. And yet, all relativism aside, the Sex Pistols rule and the Andrews Sisters performed in an era where talent was rationed to help the war effort.

I should have outgrown this stuff. Or is this what I've grown into? ...The eclectic weird, brooding, formerly young man? Or is this is comfort food for the ears that feels right like Mom's meatloaf?

I know, as members of all generations know, that my music is better than the crap kids are listening to now... and I'm glad to be able to block that out with my earbuds. The fact is, popular music will always be about rebellion and lust. But IN MY DAY that raw emotion was articulated (Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Pete Townsend, Jim Morrison, et al.). Today's artists may vent their hip hop rage and brag about their humps, but really, what's in it for me?

So sue me. I'm Living in the Past... with a record collection that hasn't grown much since 1990. Because, who else is speaking to me these days? There's no band of middle-aged white guys writing gut-wrenching anthems decrying the price of health care and the idiocy of youth soccer. Led Zeppelin and Depeche Mode and Jethro Tull and The Smiths have said enough. "Anger IS an energy." And this geezer is recharging his batteries.

by Toby Muller<