I don't care if you came with the old ball and chain. It doesn't matter if you lack the necessary parts to produce a solid boner. Everyone can appreciate a scantily clad young lady working hard for her tips. The good people of Los Angeles are so attractive; they'll give you a drinking problem. So why not drink your body image issues away in front of a pretty girl in a fun outfit? I know that's what I'll be doing this weekend. Check out this collection of bars that are guaranteed to make even your Emo-tight jeans expand.

1. Red Lion Tavern- Head on up to the outdoors beer garden for a fresh pretzel, a Hefeweisen, and a peek under your waitress's mini-lederhosen!

2366 Glendale Blvd

Los Angeles, CA 90039-3209

Phone: (323) 662-5337

2. Good Hurt- Got an ache two Tylenol won't cure? Check out their "Pharmacy Bar", where a naughty nurse will fill your prescription!

12249 Venice Blvd

Los Angeles, CA 90066

Phone: (310) 390-1076

3. Vice- Feeling the club scene? If you're a shy dancer, find a hot cocktailer in a ripped t-shirt and a red pleated mini-skirt to get you ready to shake whatcha mama gave you!

6364 Hollywood Blvd.

Los Angeles, CA 90028

323-462-7827

4. Seven and Grand- If you like whiskey and you like Catholic school girls, then you're all set here with your classic mint julep served by a short tartan skirt!

515 W Seventh St

Los Angeles, CA 90012

Phone: (213) 614-0737

5. SkyBar- Sip your martini poolside, whilst laying on futons and watching your sarong-swaddled waitress bend down to drop off your check...

8440 Sunset Blvd

West Hollywood, CA 90069

Phone: (323) 848-6025

6. Bar Lubitsch- Come on down to this dark swanky Russian vodka bar. Believe me, there is no class discrimination when it comes to these cocktail waitresses clad in ex-communist inspired uniforms.

7702 Santa Monica Blvd

West Hollywood, CA 90046

Phone: (323) 654-1234

7. Whiskey Blue at W Hotel- Check out this hip Westside hangout for the cool drinks and halter-tops...I mean.... atmosphere.

930 Hilgard Ave

Los Angeles, CA 90024

Phone: (310) 208-8765

8. Bigfoot Lodge- Cozy up to a random rockabilly in this cabinesque lodge while girl scouts serve you a "Toasted Marshmallow"

3172 Los Feliz Blvd

Los Angeles, CA 90039

Phone: (323) 662-9227

9. Bordello- Get gritty and Goth at this dim-lit red cavern while burlesque bartenders serve you...er.... voluptuous...drinks.

901 E First St

Los Angeles, CA 90012

Phone: (213) 687-3766

10. Holly's West- Stop on by this Venetian-style nook and find excuses to flag down your lingerie clad cocktailer.

2460 Wilshire Blvd

Santa Monica, CA 90403

Phone: (310) 828-3304