Apparently, a movie about a comic book character arrived in theaters last weekend. Strange, you say? Even more peculiar is the fact that this little sleeper of a film, whose name escapes me at the moment, had the highest grossing weekend box office in history. Relax. I was unaware also.

From what I gathered through word of mouth, the hero is a large bat like creature that swoops to the aid of victimized bystanders, fending off both criminals and clowns in his fair city of Gotham. Perhaps you've heard of him?

Whereas it's unlikely any living soul west of the Atlantic was oblivious to The Dark Knight's record-breaking opening weekend, there are a few of us who simply decided not to go, myself being one of them. I would have enjoyed concocting some type of thoughtful reasoning for my absence: a silent protest, a proclamation decrying the Hollywood establishment, my endearing fascination with bats, perhaps. These would have all held me in much higher regard than my actual excuse-I tend to be uncomfortable in crowded movie theaters.

There's something about sitting elbow to elbow with a complete stranger in total darkness that unsettles me. Aside from the obvious fact that it's a chore to step over a row's length of outstretched legs while making my way to the restroom (I hate to be bothersome), I'm always under the suspicion that the person next to me is the type deemed "easily offended".

Say for instance a crude joke is made on-screen and the entire theater erupts into laughter. Rather than follow suit with my fellow theatre-goers and let loose with a full-scale belly laugh, I tend to bite my lip and stare straight ahead, careful not to make eye contact with the person, or persons, sitting on either side of me, even if they happen to be a friend or significant other. I may hate to be bothersome, but I simply despise confrontation, even if it's well-intentioned. (This includes pay raises. Just quietly add the increased dollar amount to my next check. I'll figure it out without you creeping up behind me).

Granted, the "easily offended" seating partner has consistently eluded me. But just the possibility that he exists is enough to keep me within the spacious, well-lit confines of my apartment. For now, I'll have to wait until the The Dark Knight arrives on DVD.

By James Famera, james@la2day.com