Like the duck in TerDucKen, Juno MacGuff is a teenage girl with an unborn child inside her and a wry 30-year-old enveloping her... all roasting inside a preternaturally forgiving universe. Everyone lives happily ever after here, making a strong argument for prenatal irony supplements.

Not so popular? Not so cool? Not a problem. Get knocked up and you're looking at a 9-month reign as the "It" girl of 11th grade. Then just give your baby to a really nice home so you can hang out with your boyfriend. It's no wonder Juno is the feel-good movie of the season (at least up against American Gangster, Sweeney Todd, No Country for Old Men, Alien vs. Predator, 3:10 to Yuma, There Will Be Blood, I Am Legend and Cloverfield). Life is good for a smart-ass pregnant 16-year-old. Who's gonna judge or ostracize a gal with such snappy patter?

It's a charming movie, of course, the way great little films are. It's brilliantly written, lovingly acted and its soundtrack features the lyrics "I never met a Toby that I didn't like." But while Indy film fans flock to it and pro-lifers embrace it, I find it a tad creepy... the way I find Disneyland creepy.

Juno is unflappable... you know, in that unflappable pregnant teenage girl way. She has (literally) two emotional moments, but nothing she can't handle. Her parents are calm and compassionate; her friend is supportive and mature; her boyfriend, Paulie Bleeker, is embarrassed of course, but come on - he's a high school junior who's going to be a father; you know he's gonna take shit in the locker room. Mark and Vanessa, the adoptive parents, are well off enough to give the baby a good home and - even better - shallow and self-absorbed enough to goof on.

TV fans may remember back to the fall of 1994. Among the shows premiering that season were "My So-Called Life" and "Party of Five." Both, ostensibly, saw the world through the eyes of young people. The former, starring the beatific Claire Danes as Angela Chase, saw the world as a barely comprehensible, hormone-addled, uncertain mess. Angela's parents fought, cared, screwed up, fed her and tried their best to guide her to adulthood. "Party of Five" just killed the parents off so the kids could raise themselves in some sort of adolescent/Hollywood fantasy of child-autonomy. "My So-Called Life" was funny, sad, achingly honest and canceled after one season. "Party of Five" was wrought with meaningful looks, group hugs and "very special episodes" and lasted seven.

The moral, I guess, is that we want to see kids who can handle stuff. Juno is bulletproof like James Bond. And we admire our heroes... especially ones who break off razor-sharp dialog while their life is endangered or irrevocably altered. The trouble is, it's really hard to become an international spy; and it's really easy to get pregnant.

My 11- and 13-year-olds have seen Juno, so now I guess my wife and I have to amend that "talk" we have with them: "Hey, if you don't use contraceptives, at least have some really good zingers ready."

Agree? Disagree? Your comments are welcome.

by Toby Muller

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