Typically, LA2DAY's 'Plot Your Pamper' column is our chance to tell you where to go or what to do around town for the ultimate spoil-yourself-fest. Today, however, we find ourselves utterly baffled and bothered by the recent depressing trend of stay-cationing (that sorry sell-out of a vacation where you stay home because of high gas prices). So, instead of telling you about our new favorite spa, we are making this public service announcement:

For the love of God, get the hell out of LA!

I have nothing against LA. Take out the traffic and the soul-less people and you have a virtual paradise- all balmy weather and bronzed bodies.

I have nothing against America. Take out half the states and our doddering idiot of a leader and we have an inspiringly passionate country, founded on the incredible tenants of liberty and justice for all.

When it comes to vacation, though, America sucks. Real bad. And so do you, LA.

Patriots! Hang your heads in shame at these horrifying statistics:

1. America is the only country in the industrialized world that has no legally mandated annual leave.

WTF! Who are the jerks behind this one?

2. Americans slave away 100 hours more per year than those energizer bunny Japanese.... 350 hours a year (nearly 9 weeks) more than the average European.

Sick.

3. Americans have a dramatically shorter average vacation than everyone else on our playing field (ie developed countries). Check it these annual vacation day averages:

Italy - 42

(Rock on, pizza people!)

France - 37

Germany - 35

Brazil - 34

Britain - 28

Canada - 26

Japan - 25

South Korea - 25

USA - 13

(The Biggest Loser, but not in that good, weight loss reality show kind of way)

Curiously enough, France, Holland, Ireland, and Norway all have higher productivity than US workers. But they all work less. A lot less.

Where would you rather be... Here:
Or HERE:

TOUGH ONE.

We now work 142 more hours a year than we did in 1973. That's three and a half weeks of extra work each year. A third of all Americans don't take their allotted vacation at all and 37 percent never take more than a week at a time. If, junkies that we are, we somehow do manage to get away, some 88 percent of us bring electronic devices to communicate with work, and 40 percent log-on to check our work email. Do you hear me sobbing with disappointment?

What's going on here? I'm going to go ahead and make the argument that our obsessive, mind-numbing, heart-stopping devotion to the office is actually completely futile.

Not only is it futile, it's actually hurting us. We all know that stress is one of the leading factors in increasing risk for seriously wicked illnesses like heart disease and cancer. So, if 1 in 3 of us are reporting job stress, we should either pony up a few more hospitals or start taking our damn vacations.

So, please, swallow your twisted corporate pride. Stamp out that serious, sickly ingrained protestant work ethic. Trust that your bank account will bounce back-it always does. Don't let your children grow up thinking that ‘vacation' is digging in the garden with their beach toys. Expand their little minds and your big, rapidly atrophying one.

(See what you're missing!?!)

Get on a plane, a train, a gas guzzling automobile- whatever! Bora Bora is lonely! Tahitian princesses are calling your name! Happy monkeys are waiting to drop fresh mangoes at your bare feet!

Stop the madness, save your soul, and sally forth under a foreign summer sun. And please- for god's sake- don't forget to ‘forget' your crack-berry.