Dear Tranny,

My boyfriend of three years and I have decided that our love life needs a dose of excitement. You know something to mix it up? While my man is a passionate lover who is open to new things, I am more of the conservative type.

I've been giving it a lot of thought and have decided that I would give in to a slice on the "wild side" and have committed that my lover could try using the back door. The only problem is that I'm scared to death.

Any suggestions on how Little Red Riding Hood takes on the Big Bad Wolf?

--Paula D., Brentwood

Dear Paula,

Change is good. Progression is even better. And I must give you kudos on allowing yourself to be vulnerable for the sake of your relationship.

When deciding on going for the "emergency exit" (not just the first time but EVERY time - honey, believe me), you really have to be open and comfortable in all areas. This certain act has only two outcomes - pure bliss or sheer terror.

For the inaugural plunge - and every occasion there on after - you're going to want to buy some high-quality, water-based lubricant like KY's "Intrigue" line. Experiment with a few different lines but people tend to like this one because not only is it tres-lubrifique, it heats up as you heat up.

As you and your partner ramp up to the moment it's best to generously apply lube on both his key and your keyhole. Have him lay on his back (while gazing oh-so-sexily into his eyes), straddle him cowboy position while making sure there's a lot of fore touching going on.

Secondly, and only when you've committed to going further, point his unit at a 45-degree angle while slowly (and I cannot stress this enough!) backing into it. The reason why I say both start from the top and slowly is that your anus is filled with a tranny-load load of nerve endings. And by you being on the top, you can control how much or how little goes in, but most importantly, for how long it stays in.

Once acclimated to the sensation, you can then try a bunch of different formations and explore the inner Cirque du Soleil performer in you. Being bendy is a gift that anyone appreciates. Which is why I strongly suggest yoga.

Otherwise, there's the alternative in which you're on your back, biting a sock, pointing your heels to Jesus and thinking of handbags and daylight.

You decide and let me know how it goes.

Dear Tranny,

How do you make White Chocolate Chip Cookies ? And do you know of a great recipe for them?

--Natasha L., Malibu

Dear Natasha,

How sweet of you. However, sadly, I don't cook.

I am cooked for.

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