Some things we're born to love. Some trends are just destiny: ingrained in our heritage and wound up in our personality. Such would seemingly be the case with me and embellished flip-flops. I'm a Florida girl with a serious affinity for casual shoe wear, born hours from the bejeweled sandal capital of Palm Beach and possessing a love for flashy accessories. All of this should make the embellished flip-flop my perfect shoe-mate.

Yet how I hate them! Polar opposites attempt to converge on a relatively small sandal-surface-space and the results are upsetting, confusing and frequently garish.

At an early age we're taught the rules of shoe-wear. Close-toed for the playground, patent leather for church and, of course, aqua socks for the beach. Sandals were often forbidden at school, cited as a safety hazard in chem-labs. The relaxed flip-flop was the shoe of weekends past, the shoe of beach days to come. In college the flip-flop became a uniform, all the more precious for whatever beer spills it suffered. Flip flops know who they are and what they do. They are tried and true, swinging in to pinch-hit when tired fashion feet need a rest from Louboutins or Jimmy Choos.

The moment that beads and rhinestones enter the scene, everything becomes blurry and confusing. What is this thonged shoe with its familiar feel but disconcerting appearance? It's too dressed up for a casual grocery store run and salt water would surely ruin it. It looks ridiculous with a hoodie and isn't quite comfortable. We query, where does this mutant shoe belong?

Heels reign supreme when it comes to dresses and a-line skirts. The only thing needed to turn an office look casual is a good pair of wedges. No matter what she says, every girl wants a little height and besides, flip-flops make that awful smacking sound - never a good idea for the workplace. The sundress offers the most wiggle room but we have a firm verdict: heels make it formal enough for the office or dinner date, and take it truly casual for brunch or the farmer's market with a leather flip-flop. The prissy middle ground is vague and utterly undesirable.

To reassure that embellished flip-flops are firmly planted on the "not" list, think about the frequent perpetrators: WASPy soccer moms, Boca grandmothers and gossipy manicurists. We ask you, is this the company you'd like to keep?

Story by Leah Melby.

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