Okay, I get it. You and your boyfriend were up half the night spooning and arguing over which one of you gets the nickname "Schmoopy." ("You're Schmoopy"..."No, you're Schmoopy" - probably the best Seinfeld episode ever).

Here's the deal: you can sleep in your boyfriend's shirt, but you can't go out in public in your boyfriend's jeans. Your boyfriend's shirt smells like cologne and is being worn in the comfort of your bed. His jeans smell like they've never been washed (probably because they haven't), and you're wearing them in front of God and everybody. And unless you're dating some Emo, his jeans are way too big for you. And if you are dating some Emo, please put your relationship out of its misery (it's just not okay to listen to crappy music and paint your fingernails with a Sharpie and still consider yourself a man).

You do not look good in your boyfriend's jeans. I'm sure you think you do, all cozy in your little love cocoon. But you need to face facts. It looks like you're trying to hide a diaper under those jeans - either that or you're trying to smuggle some poor Malaysian baby to sell to Brad and Angelina. And in either case, it's just criminal. If you want to look 30lbs heavier, just eat cookie dough like the rest of us. Mission accomplished.

So unless you're auditioning for a remake of the SNL faux-mercial "Oops, I Crapped my Pants," you need to take a serious look in the mirror. And I don't just mean that literally. Being in a relationship is comfortable and safe. Your jeans shouldn't be.

Story by Raegan Thurlow.

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