Jabra. Plantronics. Motorola. Nokia. Parrot. 8Com. Yes, yes. These are the criminals that are known to make those vile little ear nuggets called "Bluetooth Headsets."

Since the official July 1^st start date of the California mandate requiring all motorists to use hands-free devices while driving, they've been everywhere. But what people don't seem to get is that the mandate requires it FOR DRIVING. Period.

This new earpiece law leaves many to believe that it is apropos to meander around town with them dangling like earrings, as if they were a coveted fashion accessory hot off the rack from Chanel or Yves Saint Lauent (Rive Gauche, of course!).

I can't help but point and laugh at people while I'm shopping for groceries, pumping gas or standing in line at the bank while the overzealous ass in front of me feels the need to conduct his personal business via that ghastly leech!

The most annoying of all the earpieces are the "boom-mike" style - the ones that make you look like you're being trailed by a camera crew and a sound tech.

Look, I'm not saying that we shouldn't take advantage and adhere to the laws of California. What I am saying, discerningly, is that sporting one of these technological wonders when you're not behind the wheel is against the laws of Fashion...worldwide. And isn't Fashion the supreme authority?

How do we resolve and hopefully diminish this atrocity, you ask? By educating the ignorant. So, the next time you see someone at Bristol Farms yapping to his girlfriend about how last night was the most magical night in the world, do us Angelenos a favor and stand next to them, call someone and proceed to talk over the auditory offender on your handheld recounting a story that you read earlier on Perez Hilton. I always like to go with how I "saw Paris at Villa face-down in her own yuck" as my default fable. If this doesn't work, punch him in the face.

Story by Bernardo Peña.

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