It's very difficult to be a fashionable man in this hellish modern United States; how does one dress exquisitely after those goddamned hippies of the 20^th Century so foolishly ran the stylish man into an early grave?  Gone are our walking sticks.  Killed are our white gloves.  Our hats too have given up the ghost.  They tried to take our ties, to steal our waistcoats, but we fought back!  The Style-Robbers had gone too far!  And now we must continue the Revolution!  We must rise from the dead and take back what is rightfully ours.  We must take back our Style!

The medieval garb that is the cape, or the cloak, has over time gone from fashionable to absurd, now relegated to the likes of superheroes who, judging by their use of spandex, have no sense of fashion.  For all that can be said against another famous donner of the cape, Dracula, he is ever the fashionable man, his style imitated in the '06 AW Dior Homme show.  2006 was a good year for the cape, with, in addition to Hedi Slimane, Alexander McQueen, Jean Paul Gaultier and Yves Saint Laurent all arriving with magician cloaks.  Pity two years on and the cape has yet to drape over the modern gentleman.  Take back the cape!

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Laser-eye surgery has really put the death-knell in the monocle.  If you've only one bad eye, fix the damn thing, right?  Wrong!  Wear a monocle, you stupid twit!  It's the most fashionable piece of eye-wear ever designed, far more intriguing than even the pince-nez or the lorgnette; the monocle is both dandy and Dada.  The best monocles these days are found in antique stores or eBay, though imitations can be found online at places such as www.eyeglass.com.  Spend a few bucks on one, make me happy.  Take back the monocle!

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Fedoras have made their comeback and are now seen all-too-often on dull Perez Hilton celebrities.  I admire the fedora, but I'm in love with the bowler.  The bowler, one of the great hat designs, sits waiting in the wings for its encore.  Clap, you fools, clap and bring it back!  It was designed to be a compromise between the gentleman's top and the beggar's flat; it can be worn by anyone and everyone from gentleman to scoundrel, from royal to fishmonger.  Christy's of London makes a fine bowler and can be found at www.christyshats.com.  The bowler is a proletarian hat, it's a bourgeois hat.  It's my hat, it should be your hat.  Wear it.  Take back the bowler hat!

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A passport is not just an accessory, it's a necessity.  A fashionable man is a well-travelled man.  You may well look good in a Gaultier cape, a Christy's cap and an antique eye-piece, but if you've never left the golden shores of the United States or perhaps even the crystal walls of Los Angeles, then you're devastatingly unstylish.  Only a third of Americans have their passport (though that number's thankfully risen in 2007, thanks to regulations requiring passports to travel to Mexico or Canada).   Should you be the fashionable third, then go one step further and buy yourself a passport wallet, like the lovely blue wallet from Commes des Garcons available at shop.doverstreetmarket.com.  Take back the passport!

I expect planes to be crowded with fine young gentlemen, row after row of monoclad, cape-draped, bowler-rollers.  Let's take fashion back!  Let's storm our Bastille!  Let's march to Red Square! Fashionistas unite!  I'm terribly excited...

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