Hello fellow Project Runwayers.  Resident fashion reality show addict/contributor Marisa here giving you the lowdown on our favorite Wednesday night, not so guilty pleasure...

It's week 5!!  Let's work it.

I've been on couch's edge awaiting tonight after seeing preview upon preview with tears and Jack being sick (we know he's HIV positive, and a cry fest begins each time I see this) and Tim needing to have an ‘important discussion'...  ‘Important discussions' are never good.  It's like those ‘very special episodes' of sitcoms where they tackle some debate about kidnapping, the dangers or marijuana, or diet pills.  Alex P. Keaton addicted to caffeine pills.  Check.  Punky Brewster is depressed from the Challenger explosion.  Check.  Arnold and Dudley find their way into a dingy apartment of a pedophile on DIFF'RENT STROKES.  Check.  (Note: ‘Very special' shows were very specific to the 80's)  Let's see what pans out.

Come out models, Klum says, to which the contestants are questioning if their tiny models have aged, grown up, down and side to side as 11 women traipse out in very baggy and slightly dated attire.  That big yellow blazer was hot in 1991.

Wait, I don't know any of these women says Steven nixing the idea that they are mothers and sisters to the competitors. (Remember season 3, 7^th episode where the designers had to create outfits for each other's family member and Jeffrey yelled at Angela's mother who was his model......drama!)  They're not skimping on ideas yet, folks.  We won't see this replayed for at least 2 more seasons.

These ‘real women' models have newly lost a ton of weight, probably the combined total of all the actual models on the show.  Hmmm, will Valerie Bertinelli or Kirstie Alley be in the guest judge spot tonight?  Fingers crossed!

10:04-‘I was like holy [bleep], OMG, I'm gonna die, because this is so not me at all, like at all.'  Christian has a panic attack over dressing women larger than a size 4.  Christian, everybody can't be as tiny or obsessed with himself as you are.

Time to take these old, dated duds and create something fresh and new with them to fit these svelte new ladies lives.  May the force be with you Steven, who has an old wedding dress to take on.  May need to head back to that chapel.  Carry on.

10:12--It's that time!  Nervous over his lip and having another staph infection in his face, Jack speaks to his doctor, talks to Tim Gunn and decides that the best thing to do is leave the show and make his treatment more aggressive.   I hate it when they play such dramatic music in the background.  Bravo, tis a very special episode indeed.  Jack, you ruled.  We'll miss you each Wednesday night until we see you doing some sort of tie in with your new boyfriend Dale from Bravo's other reality juggernaut, TOP CHEF.

To fill Jack's newly vacant spot, SURPRISE, Chris March is back!!  We heart Chris! 

10:18-Yes, that's Ricky rocking gold heels and the jeans he's making for his model.  Hi, Ricky, the cameras are still on buddy.  It's not time for after hours on Santa Monica and Highland at the moment.

10:22-FIERCE ALERT!  It's Tim Gunn that questions the fierceness of Christian's ensemble this time! I got thrown a curve ball on that one.  Nope, didn't see it coming.

10:32-God awful hideous.  God awful hideous.  It rolls so nicely off Christian's tongue.

10:38-Three cheers for Ricky's tears!   

The guest judge is actually Patrick Robinson, head designer for the GAP.  Sorry Jenny Craig.  And did you see the little spark between him and Ricky? Tivo was my assistant as I viewed that love at first sight clip multiple times.

As the ladies strut down the catwalk in their new gear taken from their fat clothes, you can see how happy they are.  Jillian nailed a red halter dress a la Marilyn Monroe and Chris created a look that would have rocked Cha Cha from GREASE's world, or Irma la Douce's per Michael Kors, complete with a neck scarf.  Loved Ricky and Kevin's tops but Christian took the cake this week and unfortunately Steven's attempt to reinvent the wedding dress got him cut.  Black dress, white cuffs, and a strand of pearls were regrettably too French maid funeral and not enough anything else.  Honestly, I was getting a little weirded out from Steven's eerily similar, Buffalo Bill-esque voice straight from SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.

So, what have we learned during this fifth week of competition?  Kors is over leggings but loves hookers with a heart of gold, Kit has found her corpse bride Halloween costume for next year, and Tim Gunn has a tendency to make bad decisions at 3am.

Until next Wednesday, Auf wiedersehen.

marisa@la2day.com