Anyone who knows me knows vegan living is not my bag. Don't vegans always seem so ... unhealthy looking? Sort of tofu-colored and pinchy-faced? (Yeah, I'm talking to you Natalie Portman!)

Sometimes I wonder: Is there a secret elitist society of hardcore vegans walking amongst us? Can I penetrate this inner circle? Or will they revolt, burning me at the proverbial tofu steak?

And so, I present, to you, The Art of Vegan War:

Step one: Laying Plans
I meet with their leader in a safe, public environment (i.e. Whole Foods). Known by her followers as Jenny Goldberg, co-founder of Spork Foods, a vegan catering company and cooking school in Silverlake (home of the mega-vegans).

Jenny is delightfully not pinchy-faced and raises not a single judgmental eyebrow over my leather purse. Couldthe vegans be less scary than I thought? Once she explains she wants to get veganism "away from the hippie vibe," I'm intrigued.

A graduate of the Natural Gourmet Institute for Food and Culinary Arts in New York, she demystifies the Very Healthy Ingredients I often shun on my way to the meat aisle:

-Whole flax seeds don't give you the same benefits as flax seed oil, but the omega-3s can combat stomach fat (woo hoo!).

-Quinoa is the superfood of the moment - a highly digestible source of iron, fiber and phosphorus.

-And kale, lovely kale, is a way more exciting source of calcium than milk.

Step Two: The Challenge
I arrive at Spork, i.e. the apartment Jenny shares with her sister and business partner, Heather, ready for battle. (I give myself snaps for skipping my morning latte!)

It's time to meet the vegans, and my heart begins to sink. "I've been a vegan for seven years," reports one woman.

"Oh, and I volunteer at a farm animal rescue facility and you can't even get off your butt to donate clothes to the Salvation Army."

"I've gone against all my family's conventions to go vegan, and I'm at least 20 pounds lighter than you," explained another. Okay, those last parts are in my head. But all eyes zoom in on me, laser-like, when I say: "I'm not a vegan. Or a vegetarian. I just like to eat."

Soldiering on.

Jenny and Heather patter about the properties of various ingredients. My favorite? Healthy folks who rely on beans for protein don't have to suffer from post-dinner tootiness ... just cook them along with Kombu seaweed to absorb the gases.

Step Three: Delusion and Reality
You can probably predict how this story ends. We sit down to eat the feast of vegan chili, quinoa veggie patties, spicy crispy kale with toasted pine nuts. And that food is good. We're talking full-on flavor, spicy, hearty, please-sir-can-I-have-some-more good. The chocolate peanut butter mousse, which I might note is 70 percent tofu, is 100 percent awesome.

And the scary vegan women of my nightmares are nowhere to be found. The women in class are totally hang out-able - they're not evangelical vegans trying to convert the evil meat-eater I first suspect, but rather cool LA locals with a shared interest in tasty, healthy food. Sure, they probably won't come to my next dinner party, but this is no militant inner circle. Victory!

Step Four: Engaging the Force
After class I return home to create a pared-down version of the menu. I throw in some personal touches (okay, I add ground beef to the chili), and serve a protein-packed feast of my own. With extra chocolate peanut butter mousse.

THE DETAILS: Spork Foods
323.284.8733
Classes take place Saturdays and Sundays at 11am and 4pm.
$65 per student
www.sporkfoods.com

Story by Sarika Chawla.